Spyro In School
by Panthergirl
Summary: Spyro, Elora, Hunter and Bianca go to school and drive the teacher completely nuts! Involves peanut butter, popcorn, and incorrect notes!Warning! Slightly educational when viewed under a microscope!
1. The Basics and History

The school bell rang and all the kids ran into class. There were four students, however, that did not. Spyro and Hunter were in the middle of an arm-wrestling contest and Elora and Bianca were sheering them on.  
  
"Come on Hunter! You can win!" yelled Bianca.  
  
"Go Spyro! Yay!" hollered Elora. The counselor and the janitor eventually dragged them into class. The teacher, Ms. Jones, was busy calling roll when they arrived. "Late again, I see." She sighed as she put tardy marks next to their names. "You four, please go to room 305. Starting today, you'll be taking a different class to help you pass this year." They shrugged and went to room 305.  
  
Mrs. Blake was there waiting for them. Spyro sat down in the desk by the window. Hunter sat beside him, and beside him sat Bianca. Elora chose the seat next to Bianca. "Now, you are in here for one reason. Can you tell me why?" she asked. Spyro raised his hand. "Um, no?" Mrs. Blake sighed. "You are in here because you really need to pass this year."  
  
"Why?" asked Elora.  
  
"Because you're twenty-five years old and still in the third grade!"  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Now, let's get started. First we'll go over the basics." She picked up a piece of chalk and drew a triangle on the board. "Take out a piece of paper and a pencil and draw a triangle." She instructed. A few moments passed and then Hunter held up his paper. "Like this?"  
  
"No, Hunter, that's the Roman numeral three."  
  
"Like this?" asked Bianca.  
  
"No, Bianca, that's a square."  
  
"Like this?"  
  
"No, Elora, that's a pentagon."  
  
"What about this?"  
  
"Spyro! That's a nonagon!"  
  
Mrs. Blake erased the triangle from the board. "Let's try something else. Who can tell me what happened on July fourth, 1776?"  
  
Elora raised her hand. "The sun rose?" Mrs. Blake rolled her eyes. "Yes, I suppose it did, but that's not the answer I'm looking for. Hunter, can you tell me?"  
  
"The sun set?"  
  
"Yes, that too, but again that's not the answer I'm looking for." Spyro looked around. "Out of curiosity, where IS the answer you're looking for?" Hunter got up to help Spyro look for the answer. "Get back in your seats!" snapped Mrs. Blake. They scurried back to their seats. "Now, apparently we'll have to work on history." She drew a large circle on the board and divided it into fourths. "Bianca, if you have a pie like this and cut it in fourths like this, and then give a piece to Hunter, how much pie do you have left?"  
  
"What kind of pie is it?"  
  
"It doesn't matter."  
  
"But what if Hunter likes one kind of pie better than another?"  
  
"Okay! It's cherry pie!"  
  
"Then Hunter can have all of it. I hate cherry pie."  
  
Mrs. Blake hurriedly erased the circle. "Oh for Pete's sake! No Wonder Ms. Jones failed you fifteen times!" she shouted. "Actually it was sixteen times." Remarked Hunter.  
  
"I've got my work cut out for me." muttered Mrs. Blake. She pulled out the overhead projector and turned off the lights.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M BLIND!!!!!" screamed Hunter. "Hunter, chill! She just turned the lights off!" whispered Spyro. "Now get out from under your desk!" Hunter got back in his seat while Mrs. Blake explained what they were about to do. "I am going to show you a slide show of important events in history. You will take notes that I will be reading over to see how well you were paying attention. There will be a test immediately following this show."  
  
She turned on the slide projector. "Spyro! Put the popcorn away!"  
  
"Yes ma'am." Spyro said as he reluctantly put his popcorn back in his desk. The slide show was rather long, and Mrs. Blake watched as the foursome wrote notes like crazy. "Well!" she thought. "This might be the year they actually pass third grade!" When the slide show was over, she collected their notes and handed them the test. She read the notes, starting with Spyro's.  
  
He had drawn a comic book titled 'The Adventures of Bob the Strawberry.' Hunter's notes were actually a road map to Denver. Bianca had written a five page long essay on why floppy disks weren't really very floppy. And last but not least, Elora had drawn blueprints for a multi-purpose dog collar/life support system/deep fryer. Mrs. Blake gave a disgusted sigh and went to collect their tests. She was surprised to see that no one had a test paper on their desk!  
  
"Elora, where is your test?"  
  
Elora pointed to the air vent on the floor. "It's in there." Mrs. Blake walked down the row to Spyro.  
  
"Spyro, what did you do with your test?" she asked. Spyro shrugged. "I mailed it to Japan." Mrs. Blake was starting to get a headache. "Bianca, what about you?"  
  
"I gave my test to Hunter."  
  
"Hunter! Where is yours and Bianca's tests?" she demanded.  
  
"I ate it." Mrs. Blake stared for a moment. "You ate your test? AND Bianca's?"  
  
"That's right. On rye bread."  
  
"Where did you get rye bread?"  
  
"I brought it with me."  
  
"Why did you eat two tests?"  
  
"Because it had peanut butter on it."  
  
Mrs. Blake went back to her desk, took two antacids, and turned to Hunter again. "Why was their peanut butter on your test?" Hunter rolled his eyes and explained it to her as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Because my pen ran out of ink so I substituted the peanut butter for the ink."  
  
"But what about Bianca's test? It was written in ink!"  
  
"I know, so I put some jelly on it to cover up the inky taste."  
  
Mrs. Blake closed her eyes and counted to ten. "Ok, Elora, See if you can get you test out of the air vent. Spyro, I want you to call Federal Express and see if they'll return you test before it get to Japan. Bianca and Hunter, you come with me to the nurses office. We need her to extract your tests from Hunter's stomach.  
  
(Coming up next- the math lesson! Will Mrs. Blake be able to prove that one plus one is two? Stay tuned and find out!) 


	2. The Math Lesson

Mrs. Blake came back into the room with Hunter and Bianca. "Ok, the nurse wasn't able to get those test papers out of Hunter. Elora did you get your test out of the air vent?"  
  
Elora stood up covered in dust. "Nope! But I did find twenty five cents, a stamp, some rare baseball cards, a mouse, a mummy, three Happy Meal toys, some chalk, an air fern..."  
  
"Ok, that's fine, dust yourself off and get to your seat. Spyro, did Federal Express return your test?"  
  
Spyro shook his head. "Nah, the truck that was carrying it got attacked by rabid Dobermans."  
  
"Ah, well then everyone get in your seats. We'll try some math for now."  
  
Everyone sat down as Mrs. Blake went to the board and wrote 1+1=2. "YOU LIE!!!!" yelled Spyro. "How do you know one plus one is two?"  
  
"Because if you have one of something and then you get another, you have two." Mrs. Blake explained. "Prove it!" challenged Elora. Mrs. Blake put an apple on her desk. "Wow! Thanks!"  
  
"Hush up and pay attention! Now, there is one apple on your desk, right?"  
  
"Right." Mrs. Blake put another apple on Elora's desk. "Now what do you have?"  
  
"A pair of apples." answered Elora. "No, there are two apples on your desk." said Mrs. Blake. Elora shook her head. "No, there's a PAIR of apples on my desk." she said. Mrs. Blake took the apples off the desk. "No, now all of you listen. If you have an apple and then you get another apple how many apples do you have?"  
  
"A couple?"  
  
"A few?"  
  
"Several?"  
  
"I just told you, a pair!"  
  
Mrs. Blake was now squeezing the apples so hard her knuckles turned white. "NO NO NO! The answer is TWO!!!! TWO APPLES!!!"  
  
Mrs. Blake threw the apples out the window. "Ok, let's try something else!" she drew a square on the board and labeled one side 'four inches'. "Now, can anyone tell me what the perimeter of the square is?"  
  
Bianca raised her hand. "Oh, um. I dunno. twenty-seven?" Mrs. Blake shook her head. "No, the perimeter is sixteen inches. Can anyone tell me why?" Everyone of course had many suggestions as to what the answer was.  
  
"Because twenty minus four is sixteen?"  
  
"No"  
  
"Because you said so?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Because llamas will take over the world?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Because the sky is blue?"  
  
"No!"  
  
(THIRTY MINUTES LATER)  
  
"Because the universe is expanding?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Because flamingos are pink?"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"Because-"  
  
"NO MORE ANSWERS!!!"  
  
Everyone stopped shouting answers. The room got quiet. "Now, just for that we're going to have a pop quiz!" Said Mrs. Blake as she passed out quiz papers. "Now, there is just one question, about perimeter, and if you answer it right you get a piece of candy."  
  
Mrs. Blake left the room to go get some coffee while they worked on their quiz. When she came back, the four papers were neatly stacked on her desk and Spyro, Hunter, Elora and Bianca were sitting quietly with their hands folded on top of their desks. "Hmm." thought Mrs. Blake. I must be getting through to them at last!"  
  
"Good job! Now memorize the multiplication chart upon the wall while I grade these!"  
  
She picked up the first quiz paper, Elora's. She had drawn a picture of Tennessee. Mrs. Blake groaned silently and looked at Hunter's drawing of a blender. Bianca had written an impossibly long equation that covered both sides of the page that seemed to have no purpose whatsoever and Spyro answered the question by writing 'Who cares?' in block letters.  
  
"Have you all memorized the multiplication chart?" she asked. They nodded. "Good. Here's a worksheet about it. You have twenty minutes to answer all the questions."  
  
(TWENTY MINUTES LATER)  
  
"Ok, Spyro, where did you put your worksheet?" asked Mrs. Blake. "And you better not have mailed it to Japan!"  
  
"Don't worry, I didn't."  
  
"Good, then wh-"  
  
"I mailed it to Taiwan!"  
  
"SPYRO! Oh, never mind. Elora, where's your worksheet?" Asked Mrs. Blake. She was getting very fed up now.  
  
"I gave it to Bianca."  
  
"Bianca?"  
  
"I gave ours to Hunter."  
  
"Hunter?"  
  
"I ate it."  
  
"You WHAT??"  
  
Mrs. Blake could not believe that Hunter had just eaten three worksheets. "Do you mean to tell me that you made another sandwich?" Hunter shook his head. "No, I don't have anymore bread so I made a casserole out of it."  
  
"Why did you make a casserole out of three worksheets?"  
  
"I told you! I ran out of bread!"  
  
"No, I mean why did you eat it?"  
  
Hunter shrugged. "Well, the papers had soy sauce on them. All three of them." Mrs. Blake opened her mouth to ask why there was soy sauce on their worksheets when Elora answered the question. "Our pens ran out of ink so we had to use soy sauce to write on the paper."  
  
"WHO HAD THE SOY SAUCE?!"  
  
"Spyro did. He was very nice to let us use it." said Bianca.  
  
"Ok, that's enough math for now..."  
  
(How's it so far? Good? Bad? Cheesy? Well, Anyhoo, tune in next time for the science lesson! Will Mrs. Blake manage to keep her sanity?) 


	3. The Science Lesson

Mrs. Blake led Spyro, Hunter, Bianca and Elora down the hall and into the science lab. "Now, history and math didn't go too well, so at least TRY to learn something, ok?" She began rummaging through a file cabinet to find a project to work on. "Go in the closet and put on a lab apron, some goggles and gloves."  
  
While she looked for a project, they went to the closet. "Sheesh! What are we gonna do this time?" asked Spyro. Hunter shrugged. "I dunno. Something with chemicals, I hope." Elora pulled out some goggles. "Oh! I get the green ones!" Shouted Bianca. She grabbed the green goggles, apron, and gloves.  
  
"Hey Spyro?" asked Hunter. "Do you have anymore soy sauce?" Spyro shook his head. They all found their lab gear and went to see what they were going to do. Mrs. Blake had laid out several jars of glue, some wire, a large stack of newspapers, and some paint on the table. There was also vinegar, baking soda, and food coloring.  
  
"Let me guess: We're making paper Mache volcanoes?" asked Elora. Mrs. Blake nodded. "Yes. Now, here's a set of instructions for each of you. I hope I don't need to explain how this is done."  
  
"You don't." Spyro assured her. "We know all about volcanoes." Mrs. Blake felt a wave of relief that this might be something that they can get an A on. She went to the computer and started working on something or other. When she looked up, there were four paper-mache objects on the table. The Eiffel Tower, the Sphinx, the Mona Lisa, and a Lunar Module, all covered in red, foamy goop. "Those aren't volcanoes!"  
  
She marched to the table. "Why didn't you follow the instructions?" Bianca shrugged. "They were in Spanish, so we gave them to Hunter."  
  
"Hunter, did you make another casserole out of the instructions?"  
  
"No, I made a taco."  
  
"HUNTER!!!"  
  
"Well it was covered in taco sauce, what did you expect me to do?"  
  
"Where did the taco sauce come from?"  
  
"What do you think the red stuff on our models is?"  
  
Mrs. Blake went to the desk, took two aspirins, and went back to the table. "Ok, who snuck taco sauce in here?" Bianca raised her hand.  
  
"Ok, just forget the stupid volcanoes. Let's experiment with some chemicals.  
  
(Five minutes later)  
  
The whole room was charred. Everyone was covered from head to foot in soot. Mrs. Blake glared at Spyro. "Spyro, when I say to pour the acid in the test tube slowly, what are you supposed to do?"  
  
"Hey, don't blame me! You didn't clearly define 'slowly'."  
  
"Let's try chemicals later. Everyone go to the gym locker rooms and get washed off!"  
  
Mrs. Blake was about to turn and go get herself cleaned up but as she walked to the door, Spyro and Hunter raced out followed closely behind by Bianca and Elora, were gone for a total of three seconds, then stampeded back into the room soot-free. "Okay.....I'll be back in a few minutes. "I want you four to clean up the room until I return. And DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID!!!!!  
  
(Two minutes later.)  
  
"Bianca, where did all the chemicals go?" asked Mrs. Blake. Her suspicions were confirmed when Bianca pointed at the sink. "The beakers were all dirty so I put all the chemicals in the sink while I cleaned them. Then when I went back to get the chemicals, they were gone!"  
  
"YOU POURED TWENTY-SIX CHEMICALS DOWN THE SINK?!?!?!?!"  
  
"Yes, is there a problem with that?"  
  
Mrs. Blake rushed them all out the door just as all the sinks in the science lab started exploding. "Well, you've gone and done it now! Go back to the room while I go tell the principal about this so he can call poison control!"  
  
They turned to leave when Mrs. Blake added. "And this time, the only things you're allowed to do until I get back are sit in your seats, be quiet and stare at the board of chalk."  
  
(Yeah, it's a shorter chapter this time. I know. Tune in next time for the English lesson! Will Mrs. Blake have access to aspirin in time?) 


	4. The English Lesson

Spyro, Hunter, Bianca, and Elora sat facing the chalkboard in total silence. Mrs. Blake entered the room. "Now, the principal says that poison control will have the science lab fixed in two weeks. As for you four, you are officially banned from the lab for the rest of the year."  
  
"What are we gonna learn now?" asked Spyro.  
  
"Now it's time for English."  
  
"But we already know how to speak English!" said Elora. "Why do we have to learn it again?"  
  
"No, I mean we're going to learn about nouns and verbs. Those things." said Mrs. Blake. She handed them each a textbook. "Now turn to page 300. Can anyone tell me what a noun is?"  
  
"Um...a really funny sounding word?" asked Hunter. Mrs. Blake shook her head. "No. It's a person, place, thing or idea."  
  
Elora raised her hand. "OH! OH! I have an idea! Does that make it a noun?"  
  
"No, Elora, and idea is something you can't touch. Like an emotion."  
  
No one said anything. Outside a bird chirped. "Just read the book!" said Mrs. Blake. They stared reading about nouns. "Um, why do we need to know what nouns are?" asked Bianca.  
  
"Yeah, and do verbs count as nouns too?" asked Spyro. "What about adjectives?" Mrs. Blake started to answer but then Elora chimed in too. "So a noun is a noun and verb is a noun but what is a verb?"  
  
"Verb is a word that describes an action." said Hunter. "It says so in the book." Bianca flipped through her book. "Yeah, and an adverb describes a verb, but what describes an adverb? And why is a noun an idea when ideas are the things you think?"  
  
"Oh, guys, right here it says that there are different kinds of nouns!" said Elora. "See, there's concrete and abstract."  
  
"Oh! I know what concrete is! It's a noun!" said Hunter.  
  
"No, it's an adjective 'cause it describes a noun!" said Spyro. Bianca looked around. "Hey, where'd Mrs. Blake go?"  
  
"I'm back here." said Mrs. Blake from the closet where she was looking for some aspirin. She came back out and looked at their desks. "Wait, where did your textbooks go?" she asked. "Oh, we mailed them to Japan along with my history test." said Spyro.  
  
"Spyro, will you quit mailing things to Japan! The Japanese people don't want your tests or textbooks!"  
  
"How do you know? Maybe they actually find my ability to mail things internationally an amazing skill!"  
  
(Somewhere in a post office in Japan)  
  
"Hey! The guy who sent us a history test has now sent us these four textbooks!" said the mailman. One of his coworkers cheered. "Wow! I really find that guy's ability to mail things internationally amazing!"  
  
"Yeah! What a great skill!"  
  
(Back in the room)  
  
"Now, tomorrow you are getting your final exams, and I don't want you screwing around anymore! I am going to drill this educational stuff into your head until you pass the third grade!" yelled Mrs. Blake. "Now tie yourselves to your chairs and stare at the screen in front of you!"  
  
They tied themselves to their chairs while Mrs. Blake got out the projector again. "Now everyone get out a piece of paper and a pencil and take notes." She looked at Hunter who had no paper. "Hunter, where is your paper?"  
  
"I ate it." said Hunter. "This time I made it into a salad and-"  
  
"Hunter, I don't care how you prepared your notebook paper as an entrée, just get some paper from Spyro!"  
  
Spyro handed Hunter some paper. Mrs. Blake started the slide show. It was longer than the first one. It covered everything from history to math. About halfway through, she stopped it. "Elora, come up to the front of the class and tell us what happened at Gettysburg. Elora walked up to the front of the room, pulled out a pogo stick and started bouncing. Hunter got up and started juggling chalk and Spyro rode around on a unicycle. Bianca pulled out a record player and started playing carnival music.  
  
After Mrs. Blake took another aspirin and pulled Elora off the ceiling, she had them sit back and take notes for the rest of the slide show. When it was over, she didn't look at their notes. (that was good cause they all drew comic books.) and instead pushed them out the door, notes and all and said "Now, take your notes, go home, study them hard, and come back tomorrow!"  
  
"But it's only 12:30."  
  
"JUST GO!"  
  
(Will they pass their final exam? Has Mrs. Blake finally snapped? Tune in next time and find out!) 


	5. The Exam

It was time for the final exam. Spyro, Bianca, Hunter, and Elora sat in their usual desks in Mrs. Blake's room. They were all twitchy and nervous since her nervous breakdown yesterday. Then they switched to decaf. Now the effects of espresso were wearing off and had died down to a slight twitch.  
  
Mrs. Blake walked into the room with several copies of their exam. She handed them each a copy. "You have two hours to finish this. Now complete the test and don't talk!" She went to her desk, sat down and started meditating.  
  
Spyro silently slipped his test to Hunter, so did Bianca and Elora. Hunter looked at Spyro, who nodded, and Hunter rummaged around inside his desk.  
  
Mrs. Blake was on the verge of relieving stress when she heard some clinking sounds and a low electrical hum. She looked up to see that all four tests were missing and Hunter was passing out glasses filled with some green stuff. "Where are the tests?" she demanded. "Hunter, did you eat the tests again?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Good! Then where-"  
  
"We're drinking them! Look! Smoothies!"  
  
"Why did you make four tests into smoothies???"  
  
"Because I'm not hungry anymore."  
  
"How does a smoothie made out of paper even TASTE!?!?"  
  
"Oh, it's not all paper, see, I added some grapefruit, bananas, pears, and apples and some flavored syrup."  
  
Mrs. Blake quickly dealt out four more tests. "Now, these are the last test I'm giving you. You are not to give them to Hunter or anyone else but me! No sticking them down air vents, no mailing them places, and NO EATING THE TESTS!!! In fact, just to make sure..." Mrs. Blake dug around in Hunter's desk and pulled out a coffeemaker, a deep fryer, last year's history test, a pressure cooker, a waffle iron, a frying pan, a skillet, a ladle, a casserole dish, a bread knife, a bread maker, a toaster, a crock pot, a toaster oven, a marshmallow toasting stick, three bottles of mustard, some ketchup, and three cases of baking soda.  
  
"Well, you've certainly surprised me!"  
  
"Me too, I thought he had more than just that in there!" said Spyro. "Hunter, didn't you also have a fondue set?"  
  
"Not anymore, it got confiscated last week."  
  
Mrs. Blake finally got them under control and they took the test. She quickly delivered them to the principal and waited for his remarks. After an hour of waiting, the principal came out of the office. "I just ran these answer sheets through the computer, let's go back to your room."  
  
They entered the room as Spyro and Hunter quickly hid their poker game and Bianca and Elora put the ceiling panel back in place. "Kids," said the principal. "I have just scored your tests and....you passed! You are now in the fourth grade!"  
  
He and Mrs. Blake left the room to let the foursome have time to celebrate. Hunter started to say something but Bianca stopped him. "Wait for it." she said. The principal stepped back inside for a moment. "Oh, and Hunter. Mrs. Jones emailed me and told me to give you back your fondue set." he said handing it to Hunter and walked back out.  
  
"Well guys, I think we've all learned a valuable lesson from all this." said Elora. "It really pays to know how to hack into the school's computer system." They exchanged high-fives. "What I want to know is why we didn't think of that sooner!" said Bianca.  
  
Hunter happily started using his fondue set. "Fondue anyone?" he offered.  
  
(Woo! Another story complete with the required randomness! Fondue all around!) 


	6. The Substitute

(I had the funniest idea for another round of chapters. Here goes! Please keep your hands and arms inside the story at all times and remain seated until the computer has come to a complete stop.)

Mrs. Blake picked up the phone and dialed. "Hello? Yes, I'm calling in sick for today. You'll have to get someone else to get those kids to pass the fourth grade."

The secretary thought hard. Who could she convince to spend the day with those terrors? A light went on in her head and she called a certain someone...

Meanwhile, Spyro, Hunter, Elora, and Bianca sat in the classroom, facing the board. "Psst! Elora! We're getting a sub today, pass it on!" Spyro whispered. Elora leaned over and whispered it to Hunter, who whispered it to Bianca, who gasped and slapped him across the face. "No! I said 'We're getting a sub today, pass it on!'" he exclaimed.

"Oh."

Just then, the door opened. A guy walked in, wearing a dorky outfit, and talked in an annoying nasally voice. "Hi, class! I'm Mr. Gullible." He said, writing his name on the board. "Now, I want to do everything exactly like you normal teacher does, so let's begin class."

'This is too easy.' thought Spyro. "Mr. Gullible?"

"Yes pupil?"

"When you start the lesson, you're supposed to put on a chicken suit and run around screaming like an idiot."

"Is that what your regular teacher does?"

"Oh, _yes_" they all said, nodding. "Okey-doky then! Here I go!" Mr. Gullible put on a chicken suit. "YYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

He stopped running around. "Was that right?' he asked taking off the suit."

"Yes! You did it perfectly." said Elora. "Now look at the board." Mr. Gullible turned around. "Why? What's on the board?"

They started throwing pies at him. "Hey! You kids just threw pies at me!" said Mr. Gullible.

"No we didn't, you just imagined that we did." said Hunter. Mr. Gullible cocked his head. "Really? But why am I covered with gooey pastry matter?"

"That's how you always dress."

"Oh! In that case, I'm not angry at any of you!"

Mr. Gullible looked at the lesson plan. "Okay, Mrs. Blake said that today you're supposed to learn about the food chain." he said as he held up a chart of the food chain. "Okay, now you see the..."

"Mr. Gullible?" asked Bianca.

"Yes?"

"You're not doing it right. To teach us about the food chain, you're supposed to pretend you're a bunny, hopping away from predators."

"Really?"

"Yes. That's how Mrs. Blake does it!"

"Well, it that's how your regular teacher educates you, then I'd better do it that way too." He squatted down. "Look! I'm bunny! I am running from predators!" he shouted hopping around the room. "What do I do now?"

"Now you have to smear barbecue sauce all over yourself and jump into a pit of angry Dobermans." said Spyro. "Okie-dokie! Does anyone have any sauce?" Hunter reached into his desk and pulled out some A1. "Here you go!"

"Thank you student! Now, watch closely as I become zesty." He said, pouring it all over himself. Then he jumped into a pit of angry Dobermans that just happened to be in the classroom. "OW! OW! OWIE! AAA, THE SHARP TEETH! OH! YEOWCH! AAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

He climbed out of the pit, covered in scratches and bruises. "Now do you understand about the food chain?"

"Oh, yes sir, Mr. Gullible!" said Bianca. "I think we learned a lot!"

Mr. Gullible looked at the lesson plan. "Hmm, it say here that you have to learn the multiplication tables!" he said.

"Oh no. That's not what it says." said Elora. "It says that you have to teach us the multiplication tables while stuffing yourself in a rubber glove and shaving with whipped cream."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Well, okay then! Pay attention class, I'm only going to go through this once." said Mr. Gullible as he pulled out a rubber glove, shaving cream and a razor. "Now, two times two is four." he said, spraying whipped cream on his face. "Three times three is nine."

He started to stuff himself into the rubber glove while shaving. "Four times four is sixteen..."

(A few equations later.)

"...and ten times ten is one hundred." said Mr. Gullible. He was completely inside the rubber glove, which was stretched out much farther than it's physical limit, and he had little pieces of paper stuck to his face.

The lunch bell rang. "What happens now?" he asked.

"Um... you give us each $50 so we can go to Mr. Gattie's for lunch?"

"Okay! Here you go!" he said, handing them the money. They trampled him as they ran out of the room.

(That's all for now! I'll write some more later.)


	7. The Stupid Guy

(Okay, by request, we will be calling Mr. Oldman. (the YOU HAVE THE WRONG NUMBER guy.)

After lunch, Spyro and Hunter came back into class. Mr. Gullible had finally gotten out of the rubber glove. "Ok, now the lesson plan says that we're going to learn about circuits." he announced. "Here you will see the battery cables connected to the..."

"Mr. Gullible, she didn't say we're to learn about circuits." said Hunter, who had gotten up and was reading the lesson plan. "She said we have to learn about the _circus_!"

"Oh. Um, now do I educate you about that?"

"Simple!" said Spyro. "You dress up as a clown, hop in that cannon, and fire yourself out that window!"

"Is that the way Mrs. Blake does it?"

"Yep! It sure is!"

"Well, okey- dokie then!" Mr. Gullible put on a clown costume and hopped into a cannon that just happened to be there. BOOM!!! He flew out the window! Everything was quiet for a while. "Who wants to make prank calls?" asked Spyro. Everyone raised their hands. "I DO!" Hunter went and got Mr. Gullible's cell phone. "We'll use his so we don't have to worry about racking up a huge phone bill."

Hunter put it on speakerphone and dialed a random number.

(Now, imagine this like on The Amanda Show, where the screen splits in two and we see both the callers and the call-ee.)

Mr. Oldman heard the phone ring and went to answer it. "My pants are not funny!" he yelled. Then he picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Yes, this is the National Cheese Association, exactly when did you want your house buried under an avalanche of cheddar?" asked Hunter.

"But I didn't order any avalanches of cheese!"

"Please sign on the dotted line sir."

"What dotted line? There is no line to sign upon for the cheese! Hello?! You have the wrong number!"

"DUCK!!!"

"But it..." Mr. Oldman ducked. "I ducked, but nothing happened! Hello?!"

Elora took the phone. "Thank you for calling the Happy Kangaroo Hotline, please continue to hold."

"But you called me! Hello?! I didn't order any dairy products! Dairy products give me gas! Hello?! I don't want to talk to overexcited marsupials! You have the wrong number!"

"Please spin around five times sir."

"But I don't want to spin..." He spun around five times. "Okay! I'm a-spinning!" Mr. Oldman said as he spun and got tangled in the phone cord. "I did the spinning but now I'm tied up in the cord! Hello?! You have the wrong number! I didn't order any cheesy kangaroos! Hello?!"

"Don't touch the floor!!!"

Mr. Oldman jumped. "How am I not supposed to be touching the floor?! Hello?! I'm caught in the phone cord! I didn't order the cheese! Hello?! You have the wrong number! What kangaroos? Hello?!"

Spyro grabbed the phone. "Yes, I'd like a bucket of fried chicken to go please."

"But this is not a drive through! You have the wrong number! I don't want the cheese! Hello?! I didn't call the happy kangaroos! I don't have any poultry! Hello?! You have the wrong number!"

"If you can't give me the chicken, then I'm afraid I'm going to have to confiscate your hair."

"My hair?! But we're on the phone! Hello?! I don't have any chicken! I don't want any cheese! Hello?! You have the wrong number!"

"I don't feel good. Could you pour some Maalox on the phone for me?"

"But that will make the phone all sticky! I don't want to..." he pulled out a big bottle of Maalox and poured it all over the phone. "Do you feel better now? Hello?! You have the wrong number! What is the cheese for? Hello?! I don't have any fried chicken! I'm tied up with the phone cord! Hello?! You have the wrong number!"

Spyro handed the phone to Bianca. "Are you pretty?" she asked.

"Well, I do have a certain girlish charm. But you have the wrong number! Hello?! I don't want any cheese! Hello?! Why are the marsupials joyful? You have the wrong number!

"Pick up a bowl of pudding and pour it down your pants!"

"What?! But that makes no sense! I..." Mr. Oldman bent down and picked up the pudding. "I'm a-pouring!" he announced as he dumped it in his pants. "I feel uncomfortable! Hello?! You have the wrong number!"

"So when did you want that cheese?"

"I don't want the cheese! You have the wrong number! Hello?! There's dessert in my pants! Hello?! Why are the kangaroos happy?! Hello?! You have the wrong number! Why am I ducking?! Hello?! The phone has me! Hello?! I don't know how to tie my shoes! Hello?! Don't send any dairy products here! You have the wrong number! My telephone is sticky! I feel weird! Hello?! YOU HAVE THE WRONG NUMBER!!"

About then, Mr. Gullible came back in the room and they hung up. "Okay, pupils, what are you to be educated about next?"

"We get to learn about beekeeping." said Spyro. "I believe you'll find all the supplies we need in the closet." Mr. Gullible went into the closet and shut the door. "AAAA! BEES!!!"

Mrs. Blake walked in! "I'm feeling better now." she said. "Were you guys nice to the substitute?" Elora went up to her and whispered something.

"Uh huh......really?"

Elora nodded. They all grinned......

Mr. Gullible walked back into the room carrying some beehives. "Um, excuse me but who are you?" he asked Mrs. Blake who was sitting in a desk. "Um...I'm an exchange student."

"You weren't in here before, were you?"

"I was, you just didn't notice me."

"Really?"

"Yep!"

"Well, okay!" said Mr. Gullible. He put on a beekeeper's suit. "Now, the first thing you need to know is...." Mrs. Blake raised her hand. "Mr. Gullible? You're supposed to give the lecture while letting the bees pollinate flowers on you head."

"Is that how your regular teacher does it?"

"Oh yes!" the five of them said at once. "Well, alright then!" said Mr. Gullible. He dumped a bag of potting soil on his head and planted some flowers in it, then set the bees loose. "Now the first thing you need to know is to never....um pupils, these bees seem to be OW! OW! OW!OW!OW!OW!OW!OW!OW!OW!OW!OW!!!" He ran around the classroom, slapping the bees. "Ready class?" asked Mrs. Blake. They nodded and pulled out fire extinguishers. "Now, fire!"

All five of them sprayed the fire extinguishers at Mr. Gullible. "The bees are gone! Now what?" he asked.

"Juggle the fire extinguishers in front of that open window before they come back! Hurry!" Shouted Mrs. Blake as they all handed him the fire extinguishers. Mr. Gullible started juggling them.

"Oh, and don't forget the fondue!" shouted Hunter as he threw some hot, melted cheese at him.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Shouted Mr. Gullible as he fell out the window.

"Class adjourned!" said Mrs. Blake. "And you all passed!"

"YAY!"

And they all went out to go get pizza!

THE END

(Well, I'm sorry to say, but I won't be writing any more of this story. I know what you're thinking. You don't want the humor to be over. Well, there's only so long you can keep a joke going, otherwise you go from being randomly funny to randomly stupid to randomly boring. So it's a good idea to quit when you're ahead, otherwise you'll get an angry mob on your tail. See ya!)


End file.
